I know it seems as if this post is coming out of nowhere, but considering the amount of times I’ve looked at my dash and seen a ‘forever alone’ meme, I think all the time, every day, every minute is the best time to post this.
One of the (many) things that annoys me about popular culture (and the media, to some extent) is the cultural perception of being ‘lonely’ as something that’s bad, wrong, and abnormal. I mean ‘lonely’ in the sense that everyone on this planet has to be looking for a significant other that needs them as much as they need him or her, that completes them, that will self validate them, that will change them and make them a worthwhile person. It’s the notion that if you don’t have a significant other, if you’re not actively looking for one, if it doesn’t consume all of your thoughts, then something is terribly wrong with you and you will die alone and the worst thing in this life is to die alone.
Before I go on, I want to tell you this: I adore love. I love the idea of love. My favourite movie is Enchanted. I wish life could be like Enchanted. I hope and wish everyone finds love sometime in this lifetime and I say this with zero sarcasm and with zero contempt. I hope everyone finds a love that is worthy of them. I just feel that the mindset that you have to find someone doesn’t really lend itself to finding realistic love. It just sets everyone up for disappointment, and it’s tacky, contrived and realistic.
I just loathe how much emphasis is placed on being alone, and how being alone is BAD and if you ever say you’re OK with being alone, obviously something is wrong with you or you’re just saying it to be tongue-and-cheek and really you spend your Friday nights crying alone in the corner of your room because of how lonely you are (a la ‘forever alone’ meme). It is DUMB. I hate it. I hate it so much because it just makes everyone feel awful and inadequate. It instills in people fear and insecurity that shouldn’t be there. I’m pretty sure 85% of the population without a significant other thinks something is wrong with them when there is nothing wrong. Because there is nothing wrong with being alone and there is nothing wrong with LIKING IT.
The idea that you only need one person in your life to fulfill your ‘loneliness’ is ridiculous. This kind of stupid thinking is completely backwards and contributes to an idea that is largely false. One person cannot complete your life, no matter how amazing or wonderful they are. Life’s relationships aren’t built on the premise that there is one ultimate relationship that will make all others void, that will take you on a mystical journey to the land of unicorns where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. Life’s relationships don’t stack up one by one so you can find the ‘one’ relationship and give up on everyone and everything else when you obtain it.
The truth of the matter is that you will not die alone. Do you have friends? Do you have family? I hope you do, because while they may not be able to give you some things you can only gain in an intimate relationship, well, they’re pretty good at being supportive, caring and sometimes, (take a deep breath because you might get a little scared) giving you unconditional love. Keeping you company. Or maybe this is just the WHACKY LIFE I LEAD. The one where I have fulfilling relationships with my family and friends so that I don’t have to look at every passing male while thinking ‘oh my god so lonely, potential soulmate alert, ZONING IN’.
I don’t get jealous because someone else has a relationship when I don’t. I don’t laugh at ‘forever alone’ memes because I can’t relate to them. I refuse to buy the idea that because I don’t have a significant other, I am alone and I should feel like I’m alone and that I should feel bad. I’m not alone in the least, and if I am, then guess what? I love it. I love every minute of it. I kind of wish most of the world would stop trying to tell me that I should be unhappy and recognise the true intense angst of being without a significant other. I often feel like I’m some kind of alien from another planet because I can actually picture myself living alone in an apartment with a cat or two and I am perfectly fine with this. I would also be perfectly fine if there was a perfectly fine guy lounging around this future apartment but it’s not driving me to tears that I can’t even see when or if that will happen.
The truth is, you don’t need one person to complete you, and you don’t constantly have to look for someone, and you don’t constantly have to be afraid that you will die alone because you won’t. Ironically, I think, perhaps you’ll die alone if you decide to alienate the relationships you already DO have in favour of searching for a mystical one that may or may not exist, but then again, that’s up to you.
